Why I Run...

I get the question at least once a day – why do I run? And why on earth do I run so much? Part of me wants to ask them if they really know me or really pay attention when I talk to them, the other part of me understands why they ask the question. I used to ask the same question of people before I finally started to move past my love/hate relationship with running (I loved to hate it) and started to actually really like, and now love, running.

There are HUNDREDS of reasons why I run. Not the least of which is purely for my health and to continue on my path towards my goal weight. But that is not the whole reason I run.  I’ve decided that for the purposes of this specific blog I’m going to stick to the reasons that have had me running as hard and as much as I have been as of late. They are probably the most dominant reasons why I run overall.

I run; to be, to feel, to escape, to return.

I run to be. This can really have two directions. I run just to be whatever I want to be at that moment in that run and I run to simply exist. I realize that sounds rather bizarre, but believe me, it works. When I am running I have no other concerns beyond losing myself in the run – and my music – and making it home again. I want to be able to be whatever I need to be at that moment without reservations. I spend every single day plastering a fake smile on my face and pretending I lead this seemingly perfect life, that I don’t have problems of my own. I do this because I work in retail and it is all about the experience the customer has when they are in my presence. I MUST be upbeat and perfect, it’s just the way it goes in retail. If I am the least bit off it affects the customers’ experience, and I’m sorry but I really don’t need a negative customer comment card on my record… So I do what I gotta and some days I put it on thick when I’m on the floor. When I run I can lose that, I can be whatever. And running to exist, that happens when I’ve had an ultra bad day and I just need to be reminded that it all goes on and on and on. The sun will rise again tomorrow and I will wake up to a fresh new start with it.

I run to feel. In this I mean I want to feel something other than what I feel all day every day. I want to drop that fake smile and fake upbeat persona and just feel whatever I REALLY feel that day. Maybe I really am happy that day – great I’ll be smiling all through my run and dancing down the street when the music strikes me. But maybe I’ve had a horrible day and I want nothing more than to feel that, maybe I need to cry or scream… Maybe I need to feel pain to remind myself that I am alive and that I am only human. Maybe I need to run so hard that I feel nothing anymore… Whatever I need to feel at that moment, I can do it when I run. I don’t care what I look like! Maybe I feel like dancing through my run – so I do! I’m sure the folks that live in the neighborhoods I run in often wonder what I smoke before I run… I dance down the street when the music is right, I yell at myself if I’m mad and more than a couple times I’ve just stopped and cried because I didn’t know what else to do with what I was feeling. It was just the right thing to feel and do at that time.  I used to be able to feel anything I wanted to feel when I went out to visit my horse, but since I’ve moved into Green Bay he’s almost 40 miles away one way. I can’t go there just any time anymore – but if that horse could talk I’m sure he would unload millions of secrets of mine! Because of this separation from him I have been relying heavily on my runs. Only recently has this plan actually been working for me and have I been able to find comfort in my runs – thank goodness.

I run to escape. I try to escape real life while I am running… And I try to only concentrate on the road in front of me, and once again my music, and I try really hard to drown out everything else. Key word is try. It doesn’t always work in my favor. Sometimes I’m so stressed out that I just can’t leave it at my door for my run – and it seriously affects my run. I try to remember that whatever baggage I bring with me on my run is additional weight that I must carry for whatever distance I am about to cover, and putting it that way sometimes helps. I don’t want additional weight or baggage out there with me. Some of my runs are hard enough without anything additional dragging me down. When that doesn’t work, I run it out. I battle it out there and do my best to come to terms with it before the conclusion of my run. This doesn’t always work, and in those cases I find I’ve run so hard that I simply clean up and fall asleep, it’s probably better that way! Anyone who runs and sees me on a run when I am battling my monsters can probably tell. I’m sure it is plastered on my face, again, I don’t care. I’m out there because I want to be and because it is easier to battle it out there than sitting on my ass at home.

I run to return. When my run concludes, I return to my home and sometimes, more often than not, I have had some success decompressing from real life and I feel like I can return to whatever it was that was stressing me out and handle it better than I would have prior to my run. Even after my worst runs I feel better able to return to real life after it than I was when I started the run. Sometimes I wish I could drop what I am doing at work and go for a good long run and then return to work and see if I feel better about things. Perhaps that could change my entire perspective at work some days, perhaps not. I also return to being social and find that it is easier to talk to my friends and family about sensitive issues after I’ve run it out, the words come easier and I don’t always take the tough stuff quite as hard.

Really, when you look at all the reasons I’ve highlighted, they can all be rolled into one without missing a beat. But I separate them because sometimes one is more dominant than another. Lately running to feel has been my biggest reason. I’m not a real public person with my emotions and sometimes running to feel whatever it is that I need to works best for me. I am not good at expressing my emotions to other people, but I have found that I am great at expressing them to myself – and dealing with them – when I am running. I’ve found that I will push myself harder and longer when I am out there running something out than I will if I’m out there just to run. I find that if I have something to fight, or something to deal with, I tend to forget that the miles are passing by and I go further without realizing it. Maybe this is how other runners do it? Maybe this is how they were able to successfully start packing on the miles… I don’t know, but it sure is working for me. And with my first half marathon practically right around the corner, I’ll take it and RUN with it.

As always before, and as always will be… Just Believe.

Heavily played on my runs:

Stronger – Kanye West

When They Come For You – Linkin Park

Wretches And Kings – Linkin Park

What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) – Kelly Clarkson

Don’t Stop Believing – Journey

Astounded – Tantric

Rise Above This – Seether

Addicted – Saving Abel

Better Days – Whiskey Falls

Natural High – The Union Underground

Extreme Days – TobyMac

Breakdown – Tantric

Damaged – Plumb

Lullaby – Nickelback

Hands Held High – Linkin Park
Bulletproof – La Roux

Rhythm is a Dancer – La Bouche

Domino – Jessie J

Lay Down My Pride – Jeremy Camp

She is Beautiful – Andrew WK

Smile – Avril Lavigne

Get Down – Audio Adrenaline

Waitin’ On Me – Emerson Drive

Plus MANY more.

Next race: CellCom Half Marathon, May 20^th

Wait... What?

So... Is winter ever really going to come to Wisconsin? I mean, I know I shouldn't be complaining, and I'm really not... But I don't want a brown Christmas either! I did get to see some snow last weekend at my parents, however even that isn't going to stick around until Christmas for them!
Anywho... The winds have gotten themselves under control and the rain has kind of gotten itself under control as well... That or it is just that the ground is that frozen!
In great news, I am back at the YMCA for working out. It feels GREAT to be there again! The classes are always led by amazing and inspiring people and the facilities are always top notch and clean. I think it's better for me too because so many of my friends, and many of the Foxes, are Y members. :)
Other than that, I have a couple of big things coming down the pipe for me - nothing I'm going to get too elaborate about just yet. I'll leave it at Tri101 is going to be awesome this year because of the team I get the honor of working with and the leader I get the privilege of working under.
That's about it for now. Christmas is taking up much of my time and once the holiday is done and I'm back on my schedule I'll get cracking on preparing for the Green Bay CellCom Half Marathon, potentially Door County Half Ironman and, of course, IronGirl!

Transitioning...

... Into WINTER????
I'm really not ready for this season. It is my least favorite of all and I feel as though we never really got a proper fall to begin with! It was so blasted windy that we hardly got to see the trees with the beautiful fall foliage! I did get to enjoy one beautiful fall day up in Door County in October - it was totally worth the drive up there to recharge the batteries that day. But really... They're talking snow, measurable snow, in western Wisconsin tomorrow and tonight... I'm not ready for that. Although, I think snow is much preferred to the craptastic cold and rain that we are facing here right now... I'm actually in Algoma for the day between bus routes (I substitute drive a route up here on my days off from Festival... No point in driving all the way back to Green Bay between morning and afternoon routes. I could ride my horse today, however the mud seems a bit overwhelming today...) and found this to be a very suitable time to get my blog updated properly!

Update - I no longer live in Door County. I've had some major life changes and I now call the city of Green Bay home. That's right, I am a city dweller again. I'm not so sure that it is the best place for me, but at this time in my life it is the right place and where I need to be! Thank goodness for amazing friends and family that made the transition to city life again a little more pleasant.

Along with being back in the city comes the ability to run later in the day/evening or earlier in the morning without as much potential of becoming a car accident. It is wonderful in my opinion and I have been able to find neighborhoods that are really quiet - except for numerous runners/walkers on the sides of the streets. I don't think I could have planned it better if I had actually tried. I've given up my Y membership due to lack of finances and have moved to Golds Gym for the time being. It has been a bit of a difference - I miss the Zumba instructor at the West side Y and I desperately miss having a track to run on. I'm still not a fan of running on a dreadmill, however this has made me a bit more determined to run outside whenever it is possible in order to avoid the dreadmill. Maybe it was the universe speaking to me in some messed up way. I'm also without internet at my apartment except for on my phone, hence my  blogs can actually only be done when I venture out to a coffee shop or library. I am hoping to make them at least a weekly event on my schedule. Yes! I have scheduled time for these!

As far as events... This year my Christmas list is comprised of a few event registrations. Again, finances suck and I figure that a gift of an event registration would give me more than just a gift... It would give me even more inspiration to make the event better than I ever imagine it could have been. The events on my list are the Door County Half Marathon, Door County Triathlon (jury is still out on whether the sprint or the half iron, though I desire to do the half iron for 2012) and Iron Girl. For the events that I don't 'get' for Christmas I have been giving plasma and banking the money in order to pay registrations, get my USATriathlon membership back and to 'award' myself other little gifts... Like the new Amazon Kindle Touch coming out on the 21st. (It is a known fact that I burn through 60+ books a year, time to reduce the amount of space they take up and keep them a little more 'organized'!)

I'm hoping to make a couple of changes to this blog as well. I know it was strictly triathlon focused prior to this, however since triathlon isn't always straightforward I am going to go forward with that thought. Look for this blog to become more personal, for me to vent once in a while, and keep you updated on my workout plights whatever they may be. Part of the 'new' me has been focusing on keeping life lighter and I have been working at getting that to carry over into all aspects of my life. Life is certainly too short to be serious or stressed out all the time... I used to be exactly that... Here's me trying to fix that.

Lately I have been working on running a solid 4-5 times a week from my home. And I have been successful in getting this done. I keep track of everything now on AllSportGPS (which I highly recommend for anyone with a GPS capable technology device) and once I figure it out I think I can sync it so that it will post maps here on the blog for me... I need to get together with my techy friends for this though I fear. I have been steadily increasing the intensity of my runs while leaving the distance fairly consistent as of late. With the thought of a half marathon nagging at me, as well as a half ironman, I know that I need to get my mileage up there starting soon. However, my thought is that if I can work on the intensity and FORM right now, endurance and distance will come with ease when I decide to increase them. I'm sure I'll run into issues but thus far my back has been behaving and my shin splints have been slight to non-existent! This is exciting news - especially since I know my shoes are nearing the end of their life - or, rather, past the recommended end of their life. Hopefully soon I'll be able to get them replaced.

Product recommendation of the week: Bondi Bands. I must say that I am still faithful to my dear HappyGirl Headwear for every day wear - they're simply cute and stylish while also serving a purpose (and they will get their recommendation later!), however the Bondi Bands have gotten several good hearty laughs lately. I have one that says 'Sweat is my fat crying' and every time I wear it someone busts out laughing. It truly is worthy of it. I also have one that says 'Suck it up, buttercup' because sometimes I need reminding that I just need to do that... Suck it up. Bondi Bands can now be found at Fleet Feet Fox Valley and online via www.bondiband.com. I have a couple of discount codes for the online store if you contact me for them directly! My greatest complaint is that the fashion ones, ones without the wicking material, do slip back on my head and I must use bobby pins or clips to keep them in place. 90% of my collection is the wicking material though and it has a good habit of staying put most of the time.

Song recommendation of the week: Oddly enough, Journey's Remember Me was my go to song last night. I don't quite get the reasoning, it isn't a particularly up tempo song... But it did it for me. So I repeated it several times and went back to it again. I was impressed. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Journey - I just never expected THAT song to encourage me like it did last night.

This is good for now! Have a great (rainy) Tuesday everyone!

Still Not Dead.

Though, considering I've taken nearly 9 months off one could think that I've had a child... I have NOT! I've had a few rough patches - moved into the city again - and am picking back up... Again. I'll elaborate soon enough. Let it be known that the blog has been moved back into my list of priorities. :)

What A Pain...

... In the back!
Well, I've been put on the 'injured reserve' list for the moment and I hope that with regular chiropractic care and proper conduct on my part that I will be back at it sooner rather than later.
It is what feels something like a sciatic nerve episode and it is more likely that it's not specifically the sciatic but a conglomeration of a lot of things. The basic jist is that my lower back is TOO curved causing un-necessary pressure on nerves and pulling on muscles. My guess is that a recent increase in intensity and duration of working out tweeked things a bit and... Well, here I sit.
The ironic part... No matter how I sit, stand or lay down it all hurts the same.
I guess this is a great time to work on eating healthy since my activity minutes the next couple of weeks are going to be awful!